my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
