Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
