Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
