Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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