??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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