she looked like the before picture.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
