marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
