and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
