Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
