I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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