I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize