Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
