Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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