yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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