There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
