Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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