you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i dont even know how to be here
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
