Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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