We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
