Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
