Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
