hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
did i walk over a car last night?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
