can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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