You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
