her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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