Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
