but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
