Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
