The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
