I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
