he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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