So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
