So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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