I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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