A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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