The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
