Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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