my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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