This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
