I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
