and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
