did you get engaged???
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
