Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
this hospital has no fireball
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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