I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
