her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
