I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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