My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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