I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I cut my penus on the lid.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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