Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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