Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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