Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize