it's like iHOP with fire
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
