That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
