it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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