It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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