I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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