So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
