Who wears a wallet chain?!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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