Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
