He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize