so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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