she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
