Ambien. No doubt about it.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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