its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
