His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
